There you are, in bed with the human of your dreams.
Feelings? Hot and heavy.
You’re so ready to get down to business and show them what you’ve got all night long. You climb on top (or underneath, dealer’s choice)… and 6 minutes later, you’re EXHAUSTED.
Not from a lack of sex drive — the wanting is very clearly still there — but from literal physical fatigue during sex. Total exhaustion has overwhelmed you; You cramp up, your breathing is uncontrollable, you’re sweating profusely…
With penis-owners, this could result in losing your erection. With vagina-owners, this could look like a lack of vaginal wetness.
Maybe you’re led to fake it just to avoid further enervation. Maybe you finish prematurely so that you can say, “Wow, that was great,” and roll over to rest.
Regardless of how you handle this surprise debilitation, in brief, you’re tuckered out. The fun is done for tonight.
You wanted to enjoy another human’s body (or your own) for as long as possible, but your time was cut short. It’s happened to all of us, but that doesn’t mean the humiliation or lack of satisfaction sucks any less.
So — what do you do?
Together, we can find ways to make your playtime last longer! Let’s avoid physical fatigue during sex as best we can.
You don’t have to be a superstar athlete to have marathon sex. You don’t have to be a kama sutra wizard to find the most relaxing, energy-saving sex positions. You don’t have to be a yoga master to keep your breath and body under control and avoid physical fatigue during sex.
I believe that we all need a sex marathon every now and then and I want to help you get there. Because you can. As you are.
7 ways to extend your sexual endurance and make sexy time (both solo and partnered) last longer.
We take water breaks when we exercise — why can’t we do it when we intimately exercise? Never forget that sex is a form of (incredibly fun) moderate exercise! Your breathing, pulse rate, and blood pressure rises. Muscle tension and blood-vessel engorgement increase. This can take a lot out of a person!
You are not showing weakness in expressing that you need a moment to chill or for your body to recoup. Your partner will honor you and respect your pleasure enough to take a break right alongside you! And if you’re going it alone, all you need to do is take a moment and a breather for yourself. What a fabulous opportunity to drink some water (STAY HYDRATED!), snuggle up, wipe the sweat, and let the intimacy slowly build from the start again once everyone is rested and ready to rock.
Switch Positions — A lot
I am a triathlete. The reason I love triathlon is that I am not doing the same physical motion for an extended period of time — I am switching it up THREE WHOLE TIMES throughout one race! Keeping things fresh, engaging new muscle groups, and challenging my endurance in different ways is exciting and motivating.
This is what a long-haul sexual experience can be like. Don’t let one muscle group or movement bear the burden alone! Get creative, distribute the dynamics, and switch it all around. You’ve been on top for 10 minutes and your quads and lower back are burning? Ask your partner to hop on top for a bit! You’ve been going at it solo with a toy from behind and your wrist is killing you? Flip over and engage in some nipple play instead! Does your jaw hurt from oral? It’s the other person’s turn now! You can find ways to relax the body while still finding pleasure, whether with a partner or by yourself. And if you find that your body is TOO tired to find pleasure? Go back to Tip #1 🙂
HOT BONUS TIP – Like the position you’re in A LOT but one muscle group is begging to stop? Distribute the weight differently! Maybe you’re feeling your quads turn on when you’re on top — go ahead and sit back a bit and put some weight into your glutes or even into your palms. Finding alternatives and giving your muscles a break is key to avoiding fatigue (and cramping)!
Engage in Physically Undemanding Play — Edge it Out
This is my absolute favorite tip. There are SO many opportunities to take it slow and easy during foreplay (or, as I like to call it “play,” as outercourse — whether digital or oral — is not a definitive precursor to penetrative sex). You can take moments to slowly tease, to revel in your partner’s pleasure, or to incorporate quick, short on-and-off-again moments of fervent solo pleasure. Taking things slow and gentle with quick bursts of intensity can not only result in a more durable playtime, but more intense orgasms.
Take your time. Pace yourself. Finishing is NOT a race. Let the pleasure play out as long as you would like and enjoy the slow, but steady climb to climax.
Holy moly, do we LOVE to forget how to breathe during sex. It’s so easy! Someone touches you the right way and your breath is FULLY taken away. I get it. However, no matter HOW good it is, I want to encourage you to come back to the breath. Tantric sex encourages a strong focus on the breath to build pleasurable tension while releasing stressful exertion. A slow, steady breath (sometimes synced with your partner’s breath) helps you control and modulate your sexual arousal, relaxes your pelvic muscles with every inhale, and will make sex less strenuous. We all could use a little more oxygen, especially while engaging in — as we called it — intimate exercise!
I understand that it is so easy to give in to the breathlessness moaning of a sexual experience, but I encourage you to try a breathing exercise or two the next time you’re getting it on.
HOT TIP – Try deep belly breathing — maybe even breathing energy into your genitalia! It might feel bizarre at first, but channeling that focus releases tension in other parts of the body, allowing muscles to relax and saving precious energy. Want to “breathe into your genitalia?” Envision a broad circle of white light around your genitalia. Each time you inhale, the circle contracts solely around the most sensitive parts of you. When you exhale, the circle expands back to fill the entire genital region. As you continue breathing, make your exhales longer while making the circle of light smaller. Soon enough, you’ll be inhaling and exhaling straight into the most tender parts of you! This can be highly erotic and help you avoid physical fatigue during sex.
This one goes without saying. We should all stretch more! (And yes, I’m using the word should here on purpose, Rachel approved!) Move your body in everyday life in the ways you might move your body during sex. Introducing your muscles and joints to these unusual movements is key to preventing injury, strain, or cramping!
Be A Pillow Prince/Princess/ENBY Royalty
So, you love sex but hate the physical exertion? Take your seat on the pillow throne, baby! Being a pillow prince, princess, or princette is no crime — especially if you have a partner (or a toy) that enjoys doing the physical work. This should be discussed with your partner beforehand, though, to ensure that everyone is receiving the pleasure they want while also exerting the amount of energy they are willing to give!
6 Minute Sex is Fine By Me
Hey, if short sex is good by you — then it is good by you! And if you ever want to explore the world of more lengthy sex, come on back to this blog post. We’ve got your back 🙂
You can get more resources around sex, relationships and even your mental health right here on the blog, or check out Rachel’s Instagram (below!).