Episode 17: A Conversation About Arousal Non-Concordance aka “I’m Turned On, But I Can’t Stay Hard/Wet.. What’s Up?”

Hey everyone! Welcome to today’s episode of the Wright Conversations Podcast! For today’s episode, I’m going to talk about arousal non-concordance, what we can do about it, and the research around arousal. I also talk about the different types of arousal, arousal vs consent, and the importance of communication.

Let’s delve in!

In this Episode, You’ll Learn:

[02:18] What is arousal non-concordance?
[03:47] Looking at the research.
[05:08] The types of arousal.
[08:16] Why am I wet/hard if I’m not subjectively turned on by stimuli?
[10:52] Why am I not wet/hard?
[13:05] Non-concordance is not just sexual.


“There’s a 10% overlap between how women are responding to a situation and what stimuli they feel subjectively aroused by.” [04:32]
“When the vagina gets wet, it does not mean arousal automatically.” [04:44]
“[For men] there is a 50% overlap between genital response and subjective sexual arousal.” [04:58]
“[According to the APA] Arousal is a state of excitement or energy expenditure linked to an emotion.” [05:14]
“[According to the ISSM] Subjective sexual arousal is the active mental engagement in sex.” [05:33]
“When the physiological and subjective sexual arousal are not the same, that is when arousal non-concordance occurs.” [06:09]
“Regardless of what genitals you have, wetness or an erection does not mean that that person is consenting to the activity.” [10:29]
“Arousal non-concordance happens with every emotional and motivational system we have. If my mouth waters when I bite into a wormy apple, does anybody say to me ‘you said no, but your body said yes’?” [13:13]
“You have to communicate and not just go off of our body’s responses.” [14:52]


Connect with Rachel Wright
Website: https://rachelwrightnyc.com
Instagram: @thewright_rachel
Twitter: @thewrightrachel


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